Alison Oxborrow

The last few years have been intensely difficult for most people, putting pressure on our relationships, increasing our sense of isolation and intensifying our inner struggles. Perhaps you are experiencing anxiety or depression for the first time. Or maybe you and your partner are experiencing conflict, often coming back to the same old fight and your attempts to talk about it always seem to make things worse not better. Or perhaps you feel overwhelmed by old struggles that you used to be able to cope with: maybe you feel angry, sad, or guilty much of the time but you don’t really know why; perhaps you don't like yourself and wish you could be someone else, you long to connect with people, but you don't believe that you are enough to be loved or valued; or maybe you have been badly hurt in the past and you are tired of carrying the pain and battling your fears.

I help individuals and couples to unpick the tangle of painful thoughts, feelings and judgements that trouble them. As they do this they learn to understand, love & celebrate themselves and to relax into their relationships as they become free to be their true selves. I do this by helping them to work through both the experiences that have shaped them and the pain that lingers.The majority of individuals I have worked with have come to me struggling with low self-esteem or anxiety or having experienced some form of abuse or other life changing event. For example: they may have lived with someone suffering alcoholism, or with an angry or distant parent; or they may have experienced violence, or the premature death of a parentIf you are wondering whether I can help you, you might find my website interesting, particularly my video introduction which will give you a bit more of a feel for me and what it might be like to work with me. Alternatively, feel free to telephone me for an initial chat.

With couples I practice Imago Relationship Therapy. 

I am a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist and have embarked upon Advanced training to ensure that I am the best therapist that I cam be to you and your partner.  Imago therapy seeks to help you rediscover joy in your relationship by talking honestly and vulnerably to each other about your experiences in the relationship; both those which bring joy and those which cause pain. I will introduce you to the Imago dialogue process which is a simple 4 step dialogue tool and you will use this in each session to help you share both the good stuff and the difficult stuff . You will find that it enables you to tell your partner what really matters to you in an emotionally safely way, so that they can hear, understand and empathise with you. And it will do the same for them. 

So working with me, you will need to be willing to talk with each other directly in the sessions. I will coach and guide you in this, helping you to explore your individual experiences in the relationship and share these with each other.One of my roles is to teach you to do this safely so that you do not further hurt each other. So, if the thought of talking honestly, directly to each other feels scary, don't worry, I am there to ensure you both remain emotionally safe.

With individuals I take an integrative approach in which I seek to draw insights from a range of different theoretical models. This allows me to shape a counselling process which is individually suited to you and your needs. 

Qualification;

I am a highly skilled professional in the area of relationship tension & conflict. I have 8 years experience as a divorce solicitor; a first-class degree in counselling & 8 years’ experience; as well as 100 hours of specialist Imago training.  In addition I have also trained in Interpersonal Mediator and Restorative Justice facilitation (a process by which perpetrators and victims of crime are brought together to discuss the crime and harm caused) . 

A first session with me is an assessment session in which I seek to understand the issues you want to work on and the change you hope to achieve. This helps me to be clear that I have the skills to meet your needs. It also helps you to decide whether I am the right person to help you by giving you a sense of what it would be like to work with me. 

In an initial couples session we will talk briefly about what you are each experiencing in your relationship and I will help you to do this in a way that doesn't involve you in criticising and blaming each other. We will also work together to paint a picture of what you want your relationship to be like after therapy and finally I will give you an experience of talking to each other using the Imago dialogue process. 

This session will last 90mins and thereafter if we do work together I will recommend fortnightly 90 min sessions. These give you enough time in a session to talk about something important without feeling rushed and enough time between sessions to work on things at home. I charge £90 hour.

In an individual's initial session we explore what you are experiencing at the moment in your relationships that brings you to counselling; the changes you would like to work towards; any previous experiences of counselling you have had and how helpful you found these and a few questions I will ask that help me to keep you safe as we work together. I allow 90 mins for our first session and thereafter the sessions would be  60mins. I charge £50 an hour but I limit my charge for the first session to the normal £50

I only work from my Didsbury room on Mondays and Tuesdays. My latest appointment time is 6pm.

As you and your partner work with me, I will :

• help you to reconnect with all that is positive in your relationship

• teach you a simple dialogue tool which will help you to hear and understand your partner even when their perspective is very different to yours

• teach you how to express difficult things safely without criticism, blame or judgement

• help you identify the things that happen between you that get in the way of connecting with each other

• help you to work out what is really going on in those fights you just keep having and then to vulnerably communicate your needs to each other

• help you to understand why you react the way you do when you feel criticised or threatened and teach you new ways to respond that strengthen your relationship

Working with me you will gradually

• communicate more effectively

• understand each other more deeply

• emotionally reconnect

• heal old wounds

• rediscover love and joy in your relationship.

Does that feel too much to hope for right now? That’s ok, it is my job to hold the hope for you until you can hope in your relationship once more. It will not be easy to get there, it will take courage, vulnerability, and a willingness by both of you to stretch and grow into new behaviour but it absolutely is possible, and I will support you to get there.

If you think that I might be able to help you then email or give me a call on 07870917710.

You'll find a video on my website in which I explain what you can expect from an initial session with me but essentially we'll explore what is happening in your relationship in a really safe way that ensures that neither of you feels judged, criticised or blamed. We'll also talk about the changes you want to make through working together and I'll give you an initial experience of working with the Imago Dialogue process. Couples usually find that this is enough for them decided if they would feel comfortable working with me and whether the Imago approach has something to offer them.

My standard session lasts 90 minutes and I generally recommend that couples come fortnightly. I am happy to discuss different patterns of working if you don't think fortnightly 90 minutes sessions will work for you.