Sophie Haggard

These are tough times for coupledom. The modern companionate model of marriage is based on the idea that each partner look to the other to supply all their needs, and this new type of partnership has to last longer than ever before. Not surprisingly, perhaps, many long-term relationships flounder under the weight of such high expectations, and when this happens, couples feel bitter and blame each-other.

I am an ex-journalist, writer and relationship counsellor with a particular interest in how long-term relationships can successfully negotiate middle-age and evolve in ways necessary to meet the challenges of this tricky life stage. It is no secret that middle-aged couples often feel overwhelmed by the challenges they face, which may include health problems, increased family pressures, the menopause, affairs, diminished sex drive, work stresses and financial pressures and the empty nest. I work with individuals and couples experiencing relationship difficulties by attempting to improve understanding and communication, to clear up misperceptions, to build compassion and to enhance self-awareness, especially awareness of the often unconscious attitudes, beliefs, assumptions, coping strategies, expectations and levels of comfort with intimacy which  contribute to couple dynamics. 

A secondary goal of my work is to inject a note of much-needed pragmatism into modern couple relationships; to help couples develop more realistic expectations of themselves, each-other and of their relationships, and to give them permission to carve out areas of autonomy, privacy and independence as well as togetherness and collaboration so that their relationships do not become bogged down, predictable and over-loaded. 

My first career was as a newspaper and magazine journalist. I completed my first counselling training in 2013, before embarking on a second dedicated relationship counselling training at Relate . Following this I completed the MA program in psychodynamic individual and couples counselling at Tavistock Relationships which is a world-renowned institution for the study and treatment of couple relationships. 

My theory base is psychodynamic. The value of this approach is that it allows for an exploration of those aspects of the past which shed light on our ways of being in relationships in the present. Psychodynamic theory has much to say about the defenses we habitually deploy to protect ourselves from perceived threat and the way that subjective perceptions, expectations and assumptions (based on past learning) can distort our experience of current reality leading to relational impasse. We cannot change our partner, but we can develop insight into our own process, and, as part of a couple, into the dynamic we are creating together, in the hopes that the awareness we arrive at through counselling will allow us to make better choices and grow.

I am happy to see clients on a short or long-term basis depending on what is required and the nature of the presenting concerns. 

I charge £70 for individuals and £100 for couples. 

All sessions last 50 minutes.

I currently only see clients on Zoom. 

An assessment session provides an opportunity for us to meet online and to see if we feel that I am the right person to help you. This is a good moment to ask any questions you may have either about my experience or about my approach, to voice any concerns or anxieties about what the work might entail and to establish practicalities such as timing.  Sessions, once agreed, occur weekly at the same time and on the same day and I will send you a Zoom link for each session.  I charge my standard rate for this initial meeting which may last slightly longer than a normal therapy session and there is no obligation to proceed. 

If we agree to work together, I will email you a contract outlining the terms of the therapy, which I ask you to read, sign and return to me before our first session.