You are never too old for therapy. Many of my older, possibly ‘life wiser,’ clients believed they were too old to change, but this is not the case. There is a myriad of reasons why having therapy later in life can be beneficial... particularly highlighted by Time to Talk Day which encourages people to be open about mental health and talk about how they feel.
How is therapy useful for people later in life?
Retired people often have more time and are more committed to reflecting on their lives. They try to make sense of their childhood, which may have affected the way they parented. This is not about blaming or shaming parents or any childhood abuse. It is about understanding how we learned to survive and to nurture that neglected inner child part of us, which, for whatever reason, was not soothed when we were younger. It is about learning self-compassion rather than self-criticism, being aware of the internal messages we give ourselves or have been given to us.
The older generation are experiencing more bereavements. I am not talking about death, but the losses including role changes, for example retiring or adult children leaving home or moving away. When a person retires their whole daily routine and possibly social network could be lost. You work hard all your life to enjoy your retirement, but when it comes it is all too soon and not what you had thought it would be. As Oscar Wilde once said: ‘The tragedy of old age is not that one is old but that one is young.’
Other bereavements can include illnesses or long-term conditions and the loss of not being able to do what we used to do. Failing eyesight, hearing etc, all those things that come to us as we get older too.
Therapy is a place where not only can you be heard, but where you do not have to feel ‘a burden’ ‘to protect’, ‘be strong’ or whatever other internal beliefs you may have when it comes to talking about what is worrying or upsetting you. Therapy can also be a place and time to discover and focus what you are able to control rather than what you cannot in your life. Counselling is very empowering and help you discover inner strengths you did not realise you had.
Are you seeing more older people coming to therapy?
The older generation are increasingly reaching out for support, either because they have been encouraged by their children, grandchildren or even their GP.
Counselling or therapy is becoming more socially acceptable. And, gradually, we are seeing less of the mental health stigma and shame around asking for support when we are struggling. We are seeing more public figures, celebrities including even King Charles and Queen Camilla talking about mental health and the importance of speaking about how we feel. There are public campaigns not just Time To Talk Day but also Heads Together, Get Britain Talking, Every Mind Matters… to name but a few which all help to promote the benefits of counselling.
What advice do you have to people thinking of starting therapy later in life?
My advice if you or anyone you know is thinking of starting therapy, is simply this. Go for it. You have nothing to lose. Contact your GP or any Private Health Insurer and they will let you know your nearest qualified registered mental health provider/s. There are also great charities for support including the Silverline Helpline run by Age UK, which is a free 24hour 7 days a week helpline for anyone over 55.
Finally, you can choose to see someone privately by going through either BACP’s (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) Find a Therapist Directory. Many private therapists will offer a free introduction call to answer any questions you have and to find out if they are the right therapist for you.