From financial concerns, work situations to family issues, stress is often an inevitable part of life. But what if you thrive from fast paced environments, crave the chaos or find yourself seeking out stressful situations? As part of National Stress Awareness Month (April), our therapists share how to spot the signs if you’re addicted to stress, why this can happen and what you can do to help.

“It’s easy to associate addiction with substances or certain behaviours, but stress? That one can fly under the radar,” shares registered therapist Nicola Ball. “It’s more common than you’d think.”

Why are some of us addicted to stress?

“For some of us, stress can be strangely familiar—almost like a default setting,” continues Nicola. “It’s not that we enjoy it, but there's a part of us that feels more ‘normal’ in overdrive or urgency. It can also feel productive, even necessary. Sometimes we’re so used to operating under pressure that when things finally slow down, it feels uncomfortable or even unsafe. It’s like we’ve become wired to associate stress with meaning, achievement, or even identity.”

Registered psychotherapist and coach, Beth Whiting, who specialises in helping clients manage stress, says: “What we achieve by being busy can become part of our sense of identity. So, if you’re not busy, and not pushing yourself to your limits, it can go against who you think you are.”

Both Beth and Nicola say the environment we’ve grown up in has a huge impact on how our nervous system expects to meet the world. “For example, if we grow up in a noisy, unpredictable, dynamic household we expect the world to be that way,” explains Beth. “For those that are addicted to stress, they’re often unconsciously seeking out more stimulating environments and people to meet that expectation. The downside can be the physical toll of stress on the body and an inability to rest sufficiently.”

How to spot the signs you’re addicted to stress

Nicola says that being addicted to stress doesn’t always look how you’d expect. “It's not just the high-flyer who's constantly rushing or juggling 10 things at once,” asserts Nicola. She says some of the signs that you may be addicted to stress include:

  • Overcommitting or finding it hard to say no
  • Feeling anxious or restless during downtime
  • Creating drama or conflict, even subconsciously
  • Finding calm situations boring or unnerving
  • Always needing a “problem” to solve
  • Feeling guilty when you're not being "productive"

Beth suggests that a great way to assess whether you’re addicted to stress is to consider your relationship with the seven types of rest – physical, mental, emotional, sensory, social, creative and spiritual rest. “Notice how much of these types of rest you get. Are you getting enough? Do you get bored easily? With so much tech around, occupying our time and minds, we often don’t give ourselves enough time to rest and reset. It’s also worth assessing your ‘life balance wheel’ – where is your time energy and focussed on? For example, if a friend cancels plans, do you feel the need to fill that time? How do you fill it? And how does it feel to fill it?”

Top tips on how to cope with stress addiction

  • Awareness is the first step: Both Beth and Nicola agree that being conscious of what you’re doing, and articulating it for yourself, is the first step in making a change. “With awareness we can make different choices,” assures Beth. Even just recognising patterns such as self sabotaging behaviours is powerful. “Ask yourself: when do I feel most ‘alive’? Do I associate calm with laziness or failure? What would it mean if I let go of being busy all the time?” says Nicola. Beth also says to not be deterred if you find it difficult to stop these busy behaviours and to recognise that it’s a muscle you need to build.                                                                                                                     
  • Build rest into your day: “The next step is about learning how to regulate your nervous system - give it the message that you’re safe, even when things are still,” shares Nicola. “This might look like practising mindfulness or breathwork (even for a few minutes a day), carving out moments of stillness and noticing what comes up, journalling or reflecting on where your beliefs around stress come from, and gradually making space for rest without judgement.”                                                                                                                                                                               
  • Recognise your body’s response to stress: Beth suggests exploring your physiological response to stress. “Does your breath quicken when you recognise that a stressful situation is about to occur? Instead of diving in, take a pause and practice breath exercises. By addressing our physical response in the moment, we can start to retrain the nervous system to find and appreciate calm.” Beth also adds that we can do this by either using the energy the stress brings to move and discharge the stress hormones, or we can use breath, yoga, meditation, walking to soothe the nervous system. “Sometimes we might need both.” she adds.                                                                                   
  • Know your stressors: Beth also says that it can be helpful to notice how different people, environments, social media, and even music, art and films can impact your body. “Notice your heart rate, breathing, and sensation in feet and hands. Do you feel stimulated by them? Do you have more energy than you need when engaging with them? Or do you find yourself feeling restless, bored, de-energised, numb? Finding patterns in how we feel in different contexts is the key to addressing our nervous system response in the moment. Use deep breaths, stretching, cardiovascular exercise, soothing touch and meditation.”                                                          
  • Avoid overly stimulating situations: “It’s only once our nervous system is better regulated that we can start to think more clearly about the choices we want to make,” adds Beth.                                                                                                                                                                                                           
  • Consider making a life inventory: Registered therapist, Lorraine Collins says that when someone reports feeling overwhelmed in her clinic, she often invites them to do an inventory of their life to see what's working and what's not. “I think it’s useful for us all to do this occasionally to see what we can let go of and make more mental space for,” says Lorraine. “With life’s increasing demands, it’s impossible to catch every ball the day throws at us. Acute stress can be helpful in getting specific tasks done, but when there is no space for downtime there is a potential for chronic stress which can lead to burnout.”                                                                                                                                  
  • Seek professional help: “Life isn’t meant to be lived in a constant state of tension, and therapy can be an absolute game-changer for those addicted to stress,” says Nicola. There’s so much beauty in calm, and learning how to access that—without guilt—is one of the most liberating things we can do for ourselves. Therapy offers a safe space to explore where your stress patterns might have come from. It helps you untangle your wiring, understand it, and start to rewrite the script. It also gives you tools to regulate yourself, set boundaries, and challenge the internal pressure to always be ‘doing’. And maybe most importantly, it helps you sit with that discomfort that can come with slowing down, without feeling like you’re failing.”                                                                       

To find a trained and registered therapist who can help with stress, please visit BACP’s Therapist Directory.