Although Christmas is traditionally the season of festive cheer and family gatherings, feeling lonely at this time of year is more common than you might think. Our recent study revealed that almost half of therapists (49%) saw an increase in people coming to therapy for support with loneliness and isolation over the past year.1

Our members share their insight into why we feel lonely at Christmas, and what you can do to help yourself and others who feel this way.

Why do we feel lonely at Christmas?

“Christmas is often portrayed as a time of warmth, connection and the happiest time of the year. But when our reality doesn’t match our expectations, it can make us feel left out in the cold,” explains registered therapist Charlotte Braithwaite.

Registered therapist Jenny Warwick adds that when we find ourselves alone or isolated, the contrast between our idealised expectations and actual experiences can feel even more pronounced.

“There's an expectation that Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, and this expectation is not helped by the relentless ads and social media posts,” shares Jenny. “Repeatedly being asked about Christmas plans and listening to others share their experiences can be tough for those already feeling lonely.”

Senior accredited therapist Lina Mookerjee says that it’s often our own comparisons that make us feel like the odd one out. “People feel lonely at Christmas when they feel like they haven’t got an inclusive and caring family, or even if they’re expected to do all the cooking for the big day,” shares Lina. “It can also bring a feeling of shame of not being good enough or loved, which leaves us feeling exposed and powerless.”

Who is most likely to feel lonely at Christmas?

Lina adds that it’s important to recognise that anyone can feel lonely. “You can be in a room full of your closest family and friends and still feel lonesome. This this is often due to feeling disconnected, feeling unseen and unheard,” Lina explains.

However, some people are more likely to feel lonely around this time of year than others, shares Jenny: “Older adults or those who are recently bereaved, people who are separated or divorced, and those who have moved far away from friends and family may struggle with feelings of isolation. Christmas can emphasise feelings of loss or changes in our relationships with family or friends.”

And Jenny adds that these feelings can start well before the big day, as festivities and holiday planning only emphasise the connections they might be missing. Lina suggests that: “feelings of loneliness can echo way beyond the holiday season too - when all the hype is over, you can be left feeling empty and disappointed.”

Top tips for combatting loneliness during the festive break

Managing loneliness during the holidays can feel easier with a bit of planning and self-compassion. Here are our experts’ top tips for combatting loneliness over the festive break:

  1. Plan your connections: Charlotte suggests that reaching out to friends, family, and community groups is crucial when trying to alleviate feelings of loneliness. Jenny recommends organising a virtual meet-up or a phone call to stay connected if you’re far away from family or friends. Lina says it’s important to talk about how you are feeling too: “You might find that others are feeling the isolation too.”                                                                                                                                                                            
  2. Reframe the festive break as a ‘retreat space’: Charlotte suggests using this time to engage in activities you enjoy - whether that’s cooking or taking a winter walk - can work wonders. Jenny adds that being kind to yourself is essential at this time, and planning ahead can help you feel good about Christmas.                                                                                                              
  3. Volunteer: Charlottes says that giving back can be incredibly fulfilling and can also provide meaningful social interaction at this time of year. Jenny agrees and suggests giving “yourself a sense of purpose by finding out about community events or volunteering options.                                                                                                                                                                        
  4. Set small goals: Charlotte also suggests that planning small, achievable tasks to keep you busy will give you something to look forward to each day. “Even if you don't stick to the plan, having a structure before and after Christmas can help to ease the pain,” adds Lina.                                                                                                                                                                                 
  5. Recognise what you are feeling: “It’s ok to feel lonely”, assures Lina. Instead of minimising or denying how you feel, Lina suggests acknowledging your feelings - instead of avoiding them.                                                                                                 
  6. Stop the comparisons: Lina says it’s important to stop comparing yourself to others who might be planning “a John Lewis Christmas jamboree experience”. Lina says one way to do this is to stop using social media to compare your Christmas experience with others.

How to help others if you see they’re lonely at Christmas

If you suspect that someone is lonely this Christmas, here’s what you can do to help:

  1. Be attentive and reach out: Charlottes suggests to look out for the signs of loneliness in others. “Showing kindness through small gestures, can make the world of difference,” says Charlotte. “Offering companionship, even briefly, can lift someone’s spirits and help them feel more connected. Small gestures like a phone call, video chat or thoughtful message can help bridge a connection gap, even if there is a physical distance.”                                                                                                                                    
  2. Make extra effort with vulnerable people: Charlotte adds that if you know of someone less mobile or elderly, offering help with holiday errands can also go a huge way to making someone feel less isolated: “Sometimes, simply creating conversation and acknowledging the other human beings around you can be the most generous gift. You could have been the only person to connect with them that day.” Jenny adds that just listening to someone and offering understanding can make a real difference: “Consider inviting them to join some of your festivities. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture."                                                                                                                                                                                                         
  3. Don't assume people are lonely: Just because someone is on their own at Christmas, it doesn’t mean they are lonely. “Lots of people prefer their own company so check in with them first to gauge how they are feeling,” suggests Lina.

To find a registered therapist who can support you with loneliness, visitor our directory on www.bacp.co.uk

 

[1] All figures are from our annual Mindometer survey of BACP members. Total sample size was 2,658 therapists. Fieldwork was undertaken between 3 – 17 September 2024.  The survey was carried out online.