Experiencing some levels of stress in our lives can be helpful - it can make us feel motived, ‘in the zone’, creative, and focused. But too much can make us feel physically or mentally overwhelmed, and even out of control or burnt out. Ahead of International Stress Awareness Day (6 November 2024), we asked our members what stress is, why it happens and what you can do to help.

What is stress?

According to accredited counsellor Nia Charpentier, stress is our natural response to pressure. Nia says that “stress is a normal part of life”, but it becomes a problem when high levels of stress are experienced for prolonged periods of time.

Registered coach and therapist Lucy Myers agrees and says that chronic stress can lead to serious health conditions including high blood pressure, depression, and medical burnout.

“For me, stress isn’t just about the mind it’s also about our bodies,” explains Lucy. “As human beings our conscious thoughts, emotional reactions and physiological sensations are dynamically intertwined and impact how we experience ourselves and the world around us.”  

Why do we get stressed?

Stress can affect anyone and happens for all sorts of reasons. 

“As human beings we’re built to respond to stress in order to keep us safe,” shares Nia. “However modern life has complicated our relationship with stress as historically we looked out for physical threats. Nowadays we have that same inbuilt system, but we are dealing with multiple emotional threats.”

“Each individual will find different things stressful, to different degrees,” adds registered therapist Victoria Adams. “When we experience stress, our bodies are doing a great job at helping us to recognise that something’s wrong. Feeling stressed is a warning sign for us to prevent overwhelm and burnout.”

Lucy says that when talking about stress and understanding it, the word ‘threat’ is crucial. “This is because ‘the threat’ is intrinsically linked to our unique individual perceptions of what’s dangerous – which explains why people respond differently to the same stressful situation,” shares Lucy.

Stress and anxiety

Lucy claims that feelings of stress and anxiety can be reduced when we're able to become more aware of whether our perception is out of step with reality – as this enables us to feel less overwhelmed and more in control.

“We might overestimate the problem, or underestimate our ability to cope, or do both at the same time,” adds Lucy. “When working with clients, I look for patterns of thinking and behaviours such as: does this person have a tendency to catastrophise and think of the worst-case scenario? Do they automatically believe that they will fail, be criticised, or rejected as a result of the challenges they face?” 

Lucy says that these are all examples of what we do as humans to try and feel in control of difficult emotions. “It’s that notion of: ‘If I can plan for the worst, then I’ll be prepared,” she explains. 

But Lucy also says that because our brain finds it hard to differentiate between real memories and imagined scenarios, our minds and bodies experience this reaction as if the worst has already happened.

However, as our stress responses are often learnt early in life, usually from people and the environments around us, it’s possible to ‘relearn’ them and develop new and more relaxed ways of thinking and behaving.  Here are our members practical tips to help…

Top tips to combat stress

  1. Pinpoint the issue: Identifying what is causing you stress is an important starting point. Victoria says that pinpointing the issue(s) causing stress will give you space to think about what’s happening, rather than being consumed by worry. “Once you have created a space from the issues that are causing you stress, you are in a much better position to evaluate them, reprioritise and change aspects of your life,” shares Victoria. 

 

  1. Create healthy boundaries: Victoria states that implementing boundaries is essential for reducing stress levels. “Accept that you sometimes need to say ‘no’, or ‘not now’ to things you have been saying yes to,” explains Victoria. “To prevent worry and stress from spilling over into every moment of your life, it might also be helpful to allocate ‘worry time’ – dedicate 15 minutes per day to worry and no more.”

Lucy agrees and says that healthy boundaries are vital. “If you’ve grown up in an environment that has led to ‘people pleasing’ tendencies and you find it hard to say ‘no’ or you take on more than you can cope with, you can feel powerless and unable to change,” explains Lucy. “I support my clients to prioritise their own self-care alongside their other commitments, and to enjoy seeing how others respond to them very differently - often very positively!”

 

  1. Back to basics: When you’re experiencing stress, your body, mind, emotions and physiology will all be impacted. Victoria says that finding ways to sooth the body, calm the mind and regulate your emotions are important to help to regulate your nervous system and reduce any increased cortisol (stress hormone) and adrenaline. “Ensuring that you have enough sleep, a good diet and exercise can really help,” shares Victoria. “Cutting down on any unhealthy coping mechanisms - such as smoking or drinking too much coffee or alcohol – can be effective too. Self-care often diminishes under stress, so it will be key at this time to look after yourself.” 

“Start small,” adds Nia. “If you have been working through lunch at work, try taking just five minutes away from your desk at first, ideally outside.”

 

  1. Connect with others: Managing stress effectively will be personal to you and you may need to try different things out before finding what really works. But connecting with others is the exception to this rule, as explained by Victoria: “Connecting with others breaks the very isolating experience of stress.  Besides reaching out to those you trust, you may wish to discuss your worries with a therapist if you feel there are things you would like to explore.”

 

  1. Build resilience: Lucy says it’s helpful to build resilience with her clients who struggle to cope with stress. “Resilience comes when we believe that whatever happens, we will find a way to get through it and be ok,” she says “We can then relinquish the energy we use trying to stay in high control or avoid any challenges through fear of failure. I often encourage my clients to look at the ‘evidence’ they have for their thoughts and emotional responses to a challenge as this helps them create a more realistic and balanced way of thinking and responding.”

 

  1. Practice breathing techniques: Lucy also says that it’s useful to understand how our mind controls our body’s reactions, and to not underestimate the power of breathing techniques to calm the mind and body. “Practising breathing techniques enables the amygdala (the emotional part of the brain that activates the fight or flight system) to calm, and the parasympathetic nervous system (a network of nerves that relaxes your body) to kick in – which releases soothing chemicals into our bloodstream.”  

 

  1. Accept what’s not in your control: Victoria says that a big part of the battle to manage stress levels is to accept your flaws as a human – you cannot do everything, and every task is not equally important. Lucy agrees and says that as well as exploring what is going on ‘internally’, she also helps her clients explore what is happening in their external environments.

“It’s helpful to assess whether are you are using your energy to change things that are your outside of control, and therefore keeping yourself stuck in circles of anxiety and stress,” shares Lucy.