It’s nearly time for the greatest show on earth to begin – the 2024 Olympics.

As we enjoy the spectacle of so many amazing athletes competing to be the best, it’s easy to feel humbled and start to worry that our own lives haven’t quite got off the starting block.

We spoke to our members for advice on how to channel the Olympic spirit in our everyday lives.

Never give up

Psychotherapist and member Matt Wotton says: “While of course you will make loads of mistakes in sports, that doesn’t mean you haven’t done your best or you’ve fallen short of excellence."

Matt looks to lesser-mentioned mistakes of tennis legend Roger Federer and basketball icon Michael Jordan. He adds: “Roger Federer has missed 46% of his shots and Michael Jordan has missed 9000 baskets. Trying not to make mistakes is a fool’s errand and often results in the opposite, in life and sport.”

Matt suggests adopting a sportsperson’s attitude in life: “Control what you can i.e. train hard, put in the best performance you are capable of, but let the outcome take care of itself. 

“It’s why the Olympic values, motto and creed are about giving of your best, striving for excellence, and fighting well; not winning or triumph.”

Define your own success

Wellbeing consultant and member Hansa Pankhania says winning is about how you define it, and your perspective on it.

“You can say you won if you get through a year of work without being sacked. Or you can say you have failed because you did not get a pay rise in that year. To me, it is about making the small wins count.

“Being dedicated to a pursuit, trying ones best and travelling the journey purposefully, can be more meaningful and fulfilling for some then winning public accolade and medals. The meaning of ‘winning’ is unique to everyone.

“As long as you are committed to your purpose both mentally and emotionally, you’re better able to invest yourself and immerse your mind to succeed in whatever you choose to do.”

Teamwork makes the dreamwork

Counsellor and member Katie Rose says that on a fundamental level, working as part of a team is important for our survival:

“As a human being, being alone is dangerous. Being part of a team brings numerous rewards, that sense of having someone looking out for you, and looking out for each other, sharing a common goal and working together to achieve it.” 

 Counsellor and member Louise Tyler agrees: “Competing can be an important socialising experience for reasons other than winning or losing. It’s an opportunity for learning about cooperation and teamwork, respect for others and playing by the rules.”

Losing builds resilience

Hansa argues that winning often comes from experience of losing:

“It’s the lessons and wisdom gained from losses that leads to wins later. Most famous athletes, entrepreneurs and so on have lost and failed at some point in their careers. It’s this experience which has made them successful eventually.

“To lose and keep going, is truly the way to win. Steve Jobs was fired from the company he founded! When he returned to Apple over 10 years later, he built it into the most profitable company on the planet.”

“It’s often assumed that sportsmen and women are obsessed with winning,” says Matt, “But they’re not. For most, it’s about competing and performing well. Winning is just the by product. 

“The question is not; did you win or lose? The real question is, did you do the best you are capable of? That’s true in life as well as sport and relates every bit as much to how you show up as a parent or partner, as to how you compete in a pentathlon. 

“In the end, success and contentment only come from knowing you made the full effort to do what’s right. Only that brings peace of mind.” 

 Accept you can’t win them all

“Winning and losing are the natural cycle in life,” says Hansa, “It’s unrealistic to expect we’ll win every time, in every situation with everyone. These unrealistic high expectations lead to stress and depression and performance anxiety.

“Everyone can win. Everyone can also lose. It’s through our experiences that we grow and experience success, which only we can truly define for ourselves,” she adds.

Louise says: “If someone thinks that they want or need to be the best at this that or the other, the most successful, the most attractive, this is a very abstract goal to set and out of their control. Far more realistic and achievable is the goal of improving personal performance, be it related to studying, work, exercise or relationships”.

“Needing to ‘win’ at all costs, can be associated with perfectionism, obsessive thinking and narcissism. A feeling of losing can be associate with poor self-esteem, negative life script and low mood.”

“In fact, winning can more usefully come down to feelings about oneself. Positive self-esteem, optimism, an internal locus of control and humility all contribute to a feeling of inner peace.” 

Be thankful everyday

Counsellor and member Natasha Clewley says focusing on gratitude can shift your attention away from what you perceive as shortcomings and instead highlight the positive aspects of life.

“Try a daily gratitude journal. Can you write down three things you are grateful for each day? Don’t underestimate the power of focusing on these things which can be big or small or related to any aspect of your life.

“Take a few moments each day to reflect on and appreciate things, such as supportive relationships, personal accomplishments, or enjoyable experiences.”

Challenge negative thoughts

Natasha suggests trying cognitive reframing and challenging negative thought patterns, so they’re more balanced and realistic.

“Try identifying negative thoughts – do you have thoughts like “I’m not good enough!” or “I could never achieve that! Can you challenge these thoughts? Can you ask yourself if these thoughts are based on facts or are they irrational? Consider evidence that contradicts these thoughts.”

“Replace negative thoughts with more balanced ones. For example, ‘While I may not be in the same place as X in my life, I am here today reading this article, supporting myself to think differently and respect my achievements.’”

Louise says our past plays a big part: “Positive past events promote a positive self-concept and feelings of optimism and morale. Conversely, adverse events and experiences can erode esteem and confidence, sapping our motivation and resilience.

“The idea of winning and losing can also affect our relationships. Some people feel they always need to win an argument, have the last word or be right. This can be associated with defence mechanisms, black and white thinking and poor emotional regulation.”

It's normal to want to win

“As with so many of our human instincts and behaviour, the concept of ‘winning’ is a natural evolutionary drive. As humans, as with all species, we existed in hierarchies - being ahead or at the ‘top’ ensured our survival,” says Louise,

“There’s another key reason that it feels so good to win, even if that’s just a board game. That’s because winning increases the chemical messenger dopamine, the feel-good hormone associated with the reward network in the brain, which makes us feel better.” 

Give yourself a break

Natasha says: “Practicing self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer someone else. This can help reduce feelings of inadequacy by fostering a more positive and supportive self-view.

“So, acknowledge your feelings, try to recognise and accept your feelings of inadequacy without judgment.

“Remind yourself that it’s okay not to be at a certain standard or on the same starting block. We all have potential, unique strengths and abilities. One of the most important things to remember is that feelings of inadequacy are a common human experience. You are not alone in feeling this way so talk about it where you can!”

If you'd like to speak to a counsellor or psychotherapist about these issues, please see our Therapist directory.